I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
