i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
