IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
