I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
