I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
