and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
