You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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