one two three fourrrrnication!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
