If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
