a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
