I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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