Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
