Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's rum buckets o'clock
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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