I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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