Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
