PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
