i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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