Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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