I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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