You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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