I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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