Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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