did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
