That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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