can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
