i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
