You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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