In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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