I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
