the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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