so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
