i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
