is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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