Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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