I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
