can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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