ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
