Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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