The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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