but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
