they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
