Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
