i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
