I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
