it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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