so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
