She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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