Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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