I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
