I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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