overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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