I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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