who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
